You’re out with a group of your friends and you’re having a really good time. There’s laughter, good conversation and you’re feeling pretty good.
Then the conversation shifts and another of your close friends, who couldn’t make it, becomes the topic of discussion. But not in a good way. She’s being dissed and ridiculed – she’s lousy at her job, she’s overweight and should be ashamed of how she looks, she always makes the wrong choices in anything, and she sucks at relationships.
She is a really close friend, actually one of your best friends.
Are you joining in?
What if YOU were the one they were talking about in this way? The things they’re saying are really hurtful.
If you’re overweight, is this the way you’d expect your friends to talk to you?
Would you talk that way to them? Or about them?
If you’re lousy at relationships, should they ridicule you? Would you ridicule them?
I’m betting you wouldn’t. I’m betting you would be supportive, loving and helpful.
So now let me ask you this….
Why do you talk to yourself that way?
Hey, I’ve done it myself. We’re our very own worst critics. We say things to ourselves that we wouldn’t dream of saying to someone we love. So why do we say it to ourselves?
When you speak that way about yourself, you’re hurting You. Think about that.
You’re the type of person who wouldn’t …. couldn’t …. hurt another person like those mentioned above. But in fact, you are. You’re hurting YOU. The one person you should be protecting and nurturing.
Self talk seems so trivial but it’s the most important dialogue you’ll ever have.
This is really important so let me repeat that. Self talk is the most important dialogue you’ll ever have. How you talk to yourself effects every aspect of your life, of you.
Instead of beating yourself up about your weight or some feature you don’t like, be the friend to yourself who says, “Hey, you’re trying. Let’s give it another go and try something else that might work.”
Instead of beating yourself up about a mistake made at work, be the friend to yourself who says, “What would I do different next time?”
Instead of beating yourself up and calling yourself all sorts of insulting names for failing at something, or bumbling something, be the friend to yourself who says, “Well that didn’t work! Let’s try again. Or let’s try something else.”
We’re all human; at times we’ll get things just right, and at times, likely very often, we’ll stumble and fall. But WE ALL do that. And if you’re not beating your friends up when that happens to them, why beat yourself up?
The next time you’re about to call yourself names, or beat yourself up about something, think of your best friend or someone you love in the same situation, and what you would say to them – then say THAT to yourself.
You’re worth all the loving, supportive kind words you tell others. You really are.